Horses in space.

When I was little, I thought "Dr.Quinn Medicine Woman" and "Quantum Leap" were the same show. Don't ask me how that is even possible, but I remembered it recently when "Quantum Leap" came on television and that horse woman was nowhere to be found.

Driving home and thinking about how I have been writing mostly on paper, I was nearly blinded by some crazy person in my neighborhood who decided it would be a good idea to outfit his entire family with those elastic-headband flashlights (ZAK) and then go for a walk on a busy main road. In the dark. If it is visibility they're after, then I think their goal has been met, and then some. In fact, they were so visible that I came frighteningly close to spending the night (or the rest of the week, at least) in the clink for vehicular manslaughter. I wonder if there is an available cell near any former state officials.

Speaking of state officials, I recently dressed up fancy for an event, and even managed to use a hair product or two. However, upon arriving, I spilled most of my (first) drink onto myself, the foot of the unsuspecting man next to me (uh,oops) and into my delicate vintage handbag. Additionally, I broke the strap off of said handbag, which I likely deserve for being an eel-skin wearing vegan. I then nearly knocked over the bar stool while attempting to collect our coats, due to the fact that I was attempting to balance the ridiculously large holiday-themed martini glass the bartender insisted on serving me in. A few minutes later, on the way back to my car, I tripped in the crosswalk (completely sober) with several people watching.

Please, invite me to your political functions, weddings, and other formal events. My clumsiness will no doubt steal the show, but I promise, I'm good at making awkward conversation.